Sunday 27 May 2012

Back from my camping weekend...  I didn't binge as much as i thought i would. 1165 calories for Friday and 1250 for Saturday. I will have burnt a lot of this off though becuase i was walking 3 miles on friday will tent ect on my back and walked about 8 miles on saturday. I only had 5 rows of chocolate, more than i said i would have but it's really hard when doing so much exercise. I also had half pack of fruit pastles. So am okay with eating over 1000 this weekend, i think i might just be saying this so i don't break down haha! I haven't stepped on the scales yet. I don't want to after doing so well the last couple of days and then binging! I even binged this morning. I had some cereal for breakfast and a roll with nutella. I have realised my mistake, all i can do now is try and correct it.

This week is going to be tough. My birthday tomorrow, i don't want to have any cake, i know this will just spark my mum off so i'm going to have to deal with it. I am living with my sister until thursday when i go to paris. So this week i am going to have to be one tough cookie and restrict as much as i can. I believe that i can stay under 1000 tomorrow. For the rest of the week i want to stay under 800 at MOST. When i'm in paris...I have no idea. Being under 1000 calories a day would be fantastic. The only thing is i won't know how many calories are in foods. This is going to drive me mental. There is a continental breakfast, so i hope there is things like fruit not just cooked breakfast. We have to deal with lunch so i want to skip that out completely. Dinner however is going to be difficult to deal with. I need to stay strong.

Off the topic of food. I 'm going to paris on thursday! So excited to see everything. I am going to disneyland aswel. I have to say being the geek i am, i am so excited to go there haha. We are getting the bus there on thursday night, then the ferry in the morning. It is going to be a long drive and i probably won't sleep a wink on the bus. Therefore gorgeous bags under my eyes!

I am nervous about going to paris. It is going to be warm weather and i want to be able to wear shorts. I hate my legs! They are so gross and wobbly *cry* I know this is all i'm going to be thinking about. 'is he looking at my legs?' 'omg, he thinks i'm obese' 'why don't i have any control, my legs are pure proof of what food does to you' Then i will be in a mood the rest of the day, because of one look or another girl having skinnier legs than i do.

When i was on my camping trip someone said to me, 'well your too skinny anyways' YES! I was extatic about that, i don't feel it though. I want to loose 2lbs before i go to paris that would make me 112lbs (hoping i am still 114 after this weekend) I would cry with happiness!

I feel like this post has been all over the place today. I have loads on my mind. So much been going on, camping, birthday, sisters house, paris! So i won't be posting for a while maybe in 2 weeks time? I will have so much to write. I will most likly have some regrets. If i think before i eat your just going to have to make up for this later, i might just avoid it. Wish me luck!

Bekah
xxx

Thursday 24 May 2012

Got home from school today to find a nice new dress i bought for myself! I know it isn't what it said on my rewards list but it was only £10! The better news, it's in a size 8!! I fit in to it nicely with a little bit of room! Soooooo happy!!!!! So after this i thought i would get on the scale, being brave. 114.6lbs! YASSS! I can't believe it after my binge last night!! Only being a week until paris, will i be able to loose 5lbs in that time? I hope so, even 2lbs would make me soooo happy!

Packing tonight for my camping weekend. I'm quite looking forward to it. The weather has been amazing! So i might just get a nice tan! I really hope so, saves me buying more fake tan! I do need to remember to pack suncream, i want nice brown skin not bright red! I really need to be good and not pack too much stuff since i am walking 8 miles with it on my back!

So due to me camping i won't be able to post this weekend. I will try post on sunday night. Hopefully extatic because i managed to stick to restricting! Lets all hope for the best!

Bekah
xxx

Wednesday 23 May 2012

Apple Pie...

Yes i ate some today. I suck! When other family members come around for dinner my mum has the feeling to make some pudding, that i never want. At first i said i didn't want any. Then came the lecture. YOU DON'T EAT ENOUGH, LOOK HOW SKINNY YOU'VE GOTTEN, YOUR TROUSERS ARE FALLING OFF YOU. I could not be bothered with this. I screamed back FINE I'LL HAVE SOME JUST TO PROVE I DO EAT. I feel so guilty. Horrid apple pie. I hate it. 368 calories per slice! I wanted to purge so badly, but when 5 other people are sitting in the next room, it's quite hard without people noticing. So with this aweful apple pie my calorie intake is a whopping 916. Well at least i am under 1000. I was so annoyed everyone chose today to come for a family dinner. I was 115lbs this morning!!! CELEBRATE! But i very much doubt that i will still be that in the morning! Unless i do some exercise like right now, but there is no time. So much revison to be done. A whole art project to finish. And a whole camping weekend, birthday and paris in the middle of it all!

Shopping for my camping trip is done. We got chocolate, so thats going to mess up my 'stop eating chocolate' wish. If i don't everyone will shout at me i cannot be bothered with the stress i have enough! We also got other sweets and biscuits that people usually love... Anyway, my plan is to eat 3 lines of chocolate and 3 sweets and 1 biscuit, which will be burned off. I am having a ceral bar in the morning and an apple, for my dinner we are having cous, cous, pasta and sauce and angel cake. Awefull dinner which i have alreay caluclated to be 1020 calories, that is only one meal! I am going to gain so much! Not to mention my birthday on the monday, damn you cake!

To lighten my mood, my gran said i looked very slim today and she was jealous, aw bless her i love her. That did follow an irritated glance from the mother, maybe beacuse i seemed so pleased.

Bekah
xxx

Monday 21 May 2012

I have just came home from school and feel weirdly happy. I had maths last lesson. I found out that i got 10 out of 20 on one paper and 12 out of 19 on another we did not that long ago. There not great results but all i could think was, 'you learn from you mistakes' My positive mind has set in already? I guess the glass is half full?

Trying not to get to frustrated with myself after a mistake today, i had a digestive biscuit! I had alreay eaten 180 calories for breakfast! But i suppose i can easily do so sit-ups after dinner tonight and i've walked about all day so i must of burned it off, hopefully. My mum had made some vegetable pasta for dinner tonight. Plan is to eat each bit of veg with one piece of pasta, there is always loads more pasta than veg so this will leave quite a bit of pasta. So hopefully keeping me under 700 for today.

Birthday a week from today. I am excited because i have asked for a new camera and i am going to paris in 3 days after my birthday, so fingers crossed. The part i'm dreading thought. Is CAKE *puke*. I know for sure that my mum will have to get an extremly large one and she will go insane if i have just one slice. ARGH what a pain in the ass large celebrations are. Why is food always linked to them? Can you just celebrate without food, it would be a lot less stressful!

This weekend i am camping again, the joys! So this means i will forced to eat again! I don't know why you have to eat more when your doing exercise, doing exercise is to loose weight so why eat more? It baffles me! I am going to try and get low calorie foods again, so loads of fruit!

I'm still at 117lbs. I really don't get how i eat like an average of 700 calories everyday and i'm not loosing! I think it's about time to lower my average intake to 600 calories. I can eat 300 calories a day so i think i will be able to stick to this. I will be able to stick to this, positivity must have an impact on keeping a low cal intake right?

Bekah
xxxx

Sunday 20 May 2012

Here it is, the truth...

I am looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure it's there. I do not want to be depressed and annoyed and pissed off anymore! I am making changes. I need to, to be able to achive. I am going to change many things, some may be hard, others may be easy.

I am not going to swear anymore! No matter how annoyed or angry i am. I will use Ned flanders words (could be amusing).

 I am going turn down those peanuts and any food i don't need. I will look at foods and actually think, do i need that or do i just want it?

I will not care what my friends say about my eating habits, i will not give in.

I will not stress out so much over nothing!

I will give up chocolate, from now on.

I will be as sociable with my family as much as i can.

I will ditch those certain friends that don't care.

I will be postive about my eating disorder. I will not wake up some morning wishing i didn't have it. I need it to be skinny. It doesn't just go away i need to tell my self. I need to believe in myself. I will meet my goals. I will be postive when my weight goes up and down. I need to think 'well i'll just eat less tomorrow' or 'I will do some exercise' I deinatly shouldn't purge. After that blood coming up i scared my self. I can not promise on that one though. As i said, it doesn't just go away. I don't want it to go away. I need to something to take control of. I cannot control my granddad cancer, i cannot control my sisters anxiety, i cannot control my brothers OCD, i cannot control my mums noisyness and i cannot control my dads anger problems. I feel that if i become perfect, everything else will be too. My fucked up life won't be so hard anymore. I will finally be beutiful and people will notice me and think 'shes so skinny, i want to be her' I want people to be jealous of me. I want people to say 'your too skinny' Then i will be happy.

While i'm bearing it all i might as well expose when this all started, or when i think it did.

I was 10 (young i know) i went swimming with my boyfriend at the time. I wore a bikini. The next day he finished me. It sounds so stupid but after that i just noticed how fat i was, how many calories were in my favortie foods. I became vegetarian. Have been ever since. I lost a lot of weight (yey) But not enough. A lot of my friends are really skinny, so is my sister. So this year i am 15. Feel free to say i'm a 'wanarexic' because i know i'm not. I never thought one day i want to be obsessed about my weight, i want that to be the only thing on my mind, i want it to drive me insane, i want to cry everynight or everytime i strep on the scales. It just happened. I cannot control my ED, but i can help it. If i want to be skinny i will have to live with it. I shouldn't complain (why i'm becoming postive) because i am just helping it. This year my ED became worse. I started purging up food. I started restricting uner 500 calories when before it was just under 1500.  Maybe it's because i found out my granddad has cancer and i realised how fucked up my family was. I don't know. I'm just trying to blame something else for it.

So thats it. The truth. I feel a lot better now that i've wrote it all down. It feels real now. I don't think i would ever be able to speak it out load. I doubt anybody acctually read this because it's so long but it helped me. I feel a lot stronger now.


 Bekah
  xxx

Saturday 19 May 2012

Blood when purging, WTF?

I am never going to write that i am back on track on this blog ever again. It just leads to epic failures!

Peanuts, was my downfall. I tried to purge them up, some did come up but something else did too. Blood. I was really freaked out. I wasn't sure if it was blood so i tried again, more peanuts and put and so did more blood! The next day my throat was really sore, its stil sore now. Why did this happen? What did i do wrong?

That however did not put me off peanuts today. I had more along with a kitkat chunky! I wanted to purge so much. I didn't. I purged in a different way and done exercise! I went on just dance so an hour and really went for it along with 5 minutes of ab workouts (crunches, pulses ect.) and a plank for 30 seconds. I know i won't of burned much off but at least it's some right?

Tomorrow i am planning for a full day of revison. FUN! This will distract me from food, i hope.

I haven't got on the scales since thursday. Too scared i suppose. I don't want to cry today.

Thursday 17 May 2012

It's about time...

117.1lbs! I have finallyy lost something! My liquid fast went soooo well! I had a smoothie and about 5 cups of green tea and of course lots of water! I honestly feel this time that i am back on track. I even thought about food today about what i would eat for lunch and i just thought, ' i don't want to eat that i dont need it' I didn't even need to talk myself into thinking like that i just did. My mother is making curry tonight, i really do not want it. I think i will try eat all the vegetables in it and a couple moth fulls of rice, since i'm still 'ill'.

Sometimes, when i'm eating something that is high calorie i wish i will get food poisening or something. Thats weird yes but that means that my body doesn't like it so i have an excuss not to eat it anymore. It also means that i don't have to purge myself, so i don't feel guilty and i will also loose all of those bad calories. Everytime i eat something like that i wish that i would just spontaniously throw up without having to do anything. If only...

Got my german speaking exams back today (yes, i managed to move my lazy ass to school) I got an A!! So fucking happy!!!!! BUT i have a chemistry revison session tomorrow after school, boring!! I need to go or i'm going to fail, i really don't want to though. Who thought of having a revison session on a friday afternoon! All i want to do then is go home.

Lazy weekend this weekend i think! One of my friends wanted to camp out. IS HE FUCKING INSSANE? Just got back from camping and were camping next weekend aswell. I think i want to saver the comforts of my bed this weekend!!

Staying Strong and finally loosing some fat, 115 by monday? I can do this!!

Wednesday 16 May 2012

Off school again today. I feel so unbelievably tired! I haven't slept proberly for about 4 days! I really needed today off to get myself together. So taking my tiredness to it's advantage, i am going to liquid fast today. Being 'ill' makes it easier to not eat when people are watching.

I have been in such a depressed mood lately. I have been crying everynight before i go to sleep. I hate being so emotional it's driving me crazy!

Monday 14 May 2012

525 Calories today! So good after this weekend! I was loving the feeling of my stomache rumbling today! When it was lunch today, i didn't even look at someone elses food and want it! This is probably because i am at square one once again! I will not bow down to the damands of food!

Which brings me on to tomorrow. I am staying after school to write my report about my camping trip. I have dance tomorrow as well. So, i'm not going home.. Which means, i can have like nothing for dinner!!! I am with friends though, which means i will have to eat something! I need to get some things that are low calorie. I think i may get a punnet of strawberries and some other foods. They will probably get chips. I will not eat chips. Gross and all chips lead to is fat!!! Dance tomorrow, so i will burn lots of fat off that i probably gained this weekend. I haven't got on the scales, i am scared i will cry if i do. Therefore avoiding them until friday...

300 calorie limit tomorrow? I think so. I can do this!!

After my camping trip i have been knackered. I thought i had a blister on my little toe, nope i had split my nail. Yes it hurts, fuck loads!! I really don't know how i didn't notice! I have been hobling all today! I hope i can dance tomorrow night! I have a show in two weeks.. Also in two weeks is my birthday! I'm not even excited, what a lame ass i am haha!

Sunday 13 May 2012

My Weekend...

Was depressing! I am soooo fucking tired. I got ZERO sleep on friday night and i walked about 8 miles on saturday! Camping is so hard. It was my first time, so i guess i will just have to get used to it! Today was the worst, carrying all of my stuff inculding tent ect. My shoulders are fucked up! I am so weak it's pathetic. Other than the walking part and the sleeping in the minus temperatures it was okay. I had quite a good time with my friends, we had a laugh!

Food this weekend has been aweful for me. Ha what a surprise since i have a lot of control when hungry and could eat for 20 men and have walked so far and haven't slept! Friday, 745 calories. Not bad eh? Saturday, 1543 calories. Fucking aweful. I must of burned a few of those off but i don't care. I was trying to take control and not have pudding. I had already had soup and a pot noodle but i was forced to eat pudding. I walked though to the kitchen to put my empty pot noodle in the bin, one of the teachers was in the kitchen. 'Is that all you have had for dinner?' Yes i said, very confused. She then started on me! She said things like,'you would of burned of so many calories today'  yes, the probelm with that is..,' That means you will only will have ate about 500 calories today, that is not enough, your starving your self' i though, Yes i know that. I eat 500 calories a day to loose weight, have you seen how fat i am!! But instead i said,' I'm not hungry, I've ate loads, I don't need much food' What a doylum right? She fired back at me,' You must eat something else, eat this (hands over doughnut) Go though to the tables, i want to see you eat that!' WHAT A FUCKING BITCH! I took almost 15 mins to eat it. When i finished what did she say? 'Well done' WHAT! Why do i deserve a praise for that! So of course after having the taste of fatty foods in my mouth i binged! On several things! Argh i hate teachers! Sunday, 1200, not as bad but still bad. I came home today, there was left-over chinese in the fridge, I wolfed that down along with some chocolate and a backwell tart and apple crumble afterwards! Lets forget about this weekend yes?

I am not going to bed, i have never been so excited to go to sleep before!! My limit for the whole week is 500 calories. I will weigh myself on friday. Lets see how many pound i can loose!

Wednesday 9 May 2012

Hate stress over food. Went shopping for my camping trip tonight! I am so stressed. People are so annoying. I keep on offering nice low cal things like soup and rice cakes. Nope we ended up with, pot noodle, soup, bread, cheese, crisps, millions of sweets that include chocolate! Argh i really am dreading this weekend. Why? Because i know i will binge. I need to keep thinking skinny. Walking 10 miles for two days and only eating 600 calories would be fantastic but i know its not going to happen. I need to be postive! I will eat my pot noodle and my soup. I will eat any fruit or vegetables that we have. I will ONLY eat 3 crisps, 3 bites of chocolate, and a hot chocolate drink. This looks like i am normal and not avioding the junk food all together, but being in control and trying to very hard to keep my cal intake low!

Today 616 calories. Having family around means it's hard to not finish dinner, cannot be bothered with the critsims! When my mum was putting out dinner i was supervising what she was putting on my plate. My oma decides to come through and she's looking at my plate, which is so full you couldn't possibly get any more on and said 'Thats a good platefull, will put some fat on you'
Never been so happy in a while! She thinks i'm skinny!! So it is noticable that i am loosing weight!

Odd how the number on my scales is staying the same but everyone is saying i look thinner. I even feel thinner. I was looking at my legs today and they looked a lot slimmer than usual! I blame the scales, i don't think there working properly. They probably are, i'm just hoping.

It's going to be a tough weekend, need to stay in control. I am the only person that can make me skinny.

Tuesday 8 May 2012

Well i acctually haven't ate anything today, I am minus calories. I ate 485 calories today but i did an hour and a half of dance, that burned 687 calories! Much stronger day than the last couple weeks have been. I acctually feel weak, this makes me happy i now know i am getting skinnier. I have had a massive headache all day i want to crawl in a hole! This is probably because we were discussing what food we need to take for the camping weekend, unbelievable stress! I am going to buy food so i will be able to pick out all the low calorie things. I need to stay strong this weekend, or i'm just going to gain shit loads of weight. They were talking of getting 3 tubes of pringles, i wanted to cry when i herd this! It makes me sick!

Speaking of sick i purged today. I purged up my pasta that i had for dinner, i had told myself that i was only going to eat half but i ate it all. So it had to go, made me feel a bit better. I am unsure if this is normal after purging but i am always shaky.

Grandparents are visiting tomorrow. I will be glad to see my granddad he started chemo last friday, so i hope he's not sick. My sister is also coming round, so i need to keep control of my calorie intake.

I had my art exam today, i thought it went quite well! Surrealism isn't a strong point but i drew some mutated hands and a tap, hope it gets me some good marks!
I got my geography results back today, i got a B! One mark of an A i was devistated. I hate being me sometimes, nothing is never good enough.

Veggies, when i calculate my cal intake i always count them, but loads of people don't. I feel like i'm cheating if i don't count them, but are they just negative calorie foods? Not counting them would make me feel a lot better since i am a vegetarian! I have officaly stopped eating fish. My mum was trying to make it hard for me since all she bought in the shopping was fish. I just refused, i think she got the point!

Love Black and White Thinspo...


Monday 7 May 2012

Damnit!!!

Well today i wen out with a couple of my friends. We were just hanging about the town because its a bank holiday. We went into a cafe, i was strong and i didn't have anything. BUT, afterwards both of them were saying i think you should get something to eat you haven't had anything. Yes i used the classics, i'm not hungry, i've had food before. NOPE, they weren't having it. We were in a shop and they said, we're not leaving until you buy some food. So i bought some chocolate. 400 CALORIES! FUCK! I couldn't believe it .
  So after being forced to buy food i had to eat it. I was almost crying! I didn't enjoy it at all. All i could think of is how do people eat this without realising how much fat is in it!! My day in total came to 804 calories. This is my porridge, wishing i got up earlier (154) Chocolate (400) Soup (250) I though i saved myself by having leftover soup for dinner. My dad is never as bothered as my mum is about how much it eat at dinner time. Maybe he sees how fat i am!
  School again tomorrow, so it will be easy to get under 600, well i hope it goes well anyways. I have an art exam tomorrow so thats most of my day doing that, so it will go really quick, thank god.

A while ago i posted about a bitch of a friend i have, well i haven't been out with her in like 2 months. I went out with different friends today and had quite a good time despite the chocolate incident! I am moving on and getting much better friends than that selfish bitch.

I have been posting quite often recently, boredem probably. But i like having this blog to just tell the world how i feel, it really clears my system. It's better than crying in the shower, which is what i did before! Blogging so often helps me get around terrible cravings aswel!

Porridge for breakfast, curse the mother!! She had already made for me when i came down this morning! So i am pre-planning my eating days from now on. So porridge (154 cals) I am stuck in the house today with my dad so he will probs make soup or something for lunch (250 cals?) Thats 404 calories already! I have no idea what will be for dinner but if i only have a few bites of whatever it is i must be able to stay under 600!

This band 'The Word Alive' i have just started listening to are amazing. Some of their lyrics really spoke out to me, so i'm sharing them with people that don't know them, maybe you will feel the same too.
      ' All the shame, all the pain that you have caused... 
       My heart can't beat (my heart can't beat).
      All the fights, all the lies you put me through....
      It's your disease'

Inspiration for the thigh gap....
Staying Strong 
xxx

Sunday 6 May 2012

Something to stop those cravings!

Curse those peanuts! I hate having a addiction to them! Eating them made my cal intake higher than i intended...783. Still under 1000 which i am proud of!

I am a bit of a geek i have to admit! I watch wrestling as in pro quite often! Me and my sister watch it and we've watched since really young. I was watching it today and i don't normaly watch the female matches but today they really inspired me! They were sooooo skinny and pretty and confident, that is exactly what i want. No, i don't want to be a wrestler but i do want to as skinny as they are. This really gave me a slap in the face to get out of my binging habits!!

I am planning to eat belvita breakfast biscutes for breakfast. They are 53 calories each and i will only eat two. I will eat nothing for lunch when i'm at school and when i am off i will just have fruit like an apple or something. For dinner i will have eat whatever the mother gives me but if i be fussy enough i should be able to stay under 600 calories. I am also dancing on tuesday and going to the gym on thursday. That means on Wednesday i will have to do exercise in the house. I will be walking all weekend, so thats an exception. I hope to loose 2lbs this week. I am still 118lbs *cry* but i can do this. I have a new frame of mind now. And no fucking peanuts!!!!!

Saturday 5 May 2012

This is happening way too often...

 Binging. WOW, what a surprise since i have so much control these days. I don't even want to list what i have ate, i am so disgusted with myself!  I did try to purge it but while i was trying to get up some awefull waffer thing i ate my parents walk in! So yeah didn't get it all up and now i'm a fat pig! I knew this would happen. You know when you wake up one morning thinking what your doing is stupid that you will binge and feel sooo guilty afterwards.I HATE MYSELF! I hate needing to purge after i have ate loads. ARGHHH! Nothing is ever simple! I need to get out of being bored and eating shit loads. I really need to snap out of it! How? I have no idea because if i don't i will gain A LOT more than 2lbs if i carry on this way. HELP! I am sick of saying to myself, i'll start again tomorrow. I will start restricting again tomorrow with a limit of 700 calories. I need to find some ways to crub my cravings, if not i will become a fat ass! Soup tomorrow i think and rice cakes! Staying strong is harder than it seems!
Hanging out with my sister today. I can feel the bing coming on already! I need to plan. My parents are away tonight, so if i get my sister not to make dinner i will just skip it out tonight. I know she won't though. Argh i just wish this was easier than it is! I binged last night surpise! I cannot help myself when it comes to peanuts! I have a serious attiction to them! I need to stop. My calorie intake yesterday was 945 yesterday (aweful) So i need to control myself today.

Yesterday i made a mistake by saying something in front of my parents yesterday. We had just finished dinner and this fat girl came on the tele and i said 'Thats enought to put me off food for a year' SHIT! After that i was also complaining that i wanted my stomache to be flatter. SHIT! Now all i have got after my episode is 'Your not fat rebecca, You don't need to loose weight' FUCK OFF. Yes i do! I want to just break down and cry. When i binge i just feel like i block out what the amount of calories i'm eating and i forget how fat i am. I need to think about what my weight is when i want to binge. That will stop me! That is all i'm going to think out today. 118,118,118 FAT,FAT FAT!!

Thursday 3 May 2012

388 calories today!!! WOOP! So happy. I have been to the gym today and ran 3k! So tired, that is the furthest i have ever ran i am so happy. I also was on the bike for about 15 minutes and x-trainer for the about the same. So i burned off my breakfast, YASS! So to keep up with my great day i had some noodles for dinner which are super low cal for a full meal (292) I also had some fruit salad and a tiny bit of ice cream( 42+55) I am overall happy with my day!

BUT, that is the only good part about it! I failed my maths exam today, i didn't know anything on the paper, thank god it was just a mock! I also had science, but i didn't do too bad on that one. I am surprised since i fell asleep last night with my books all over my bed! Physics tomorrow, fucking great! Really cannot be arsed with that. Just want the weekend to come now!!

I also found out i am camping next weekend for duke of edinburgh! SHIT! I have never camped before, so it will be interesting. We have a £40 spend limit for food, so that means i can just say to people that i'll eat less so everyone else can have loads of food. I will burn so many calories that weekend because i am walking for two days! So, this weekend i am really going to just chill out, hang out with my sister (hopefully not binging) and not stress about my art exam on tuesday. But thats the last one thank fuck!!!

Wednesday 2 May 2012

Why am i posting this?

This always happens when my sister comes for dinner. I binge. I had some cake. Gross. I feel awefull, i have been doing good. Under 600 untill today which is 730. Not bad concidering i had cake, but still, if i want to loose weight cake isn't going to help.

 Yes, i am depressed. Exams all this week and i have a maths and chemistry tomorrow. I just don't care anymore, i haven't even started revising yet.. I should but maths and science are my most hated subjects so i have zero motivation.

Now the bad part, these pictures are so i can see my progress. I will post a picture every week to see if i have lost weight because sometimes it's hard to tell. These are also a great reason why not to eat! Don't have cravings any more haha....