You know my instagram? Well I got some super haters today. And some said to me 'you have lower belly pudge' seriously wtf! Is it her business what I look like. Well no matter what that is now added to my list of insecurities!
Bekah
Xxx
Tuesday, 7 August 2012
ABC start pictures!
Okay, they suck and I want to cry when I look at them ): there gunna come up huge as well since im posting off my phone, so don't go blind! The first 2 pics are at 123lbs yesterday. The 3rd one is from today at 121 and I was sucking in a little! Sorry for the bit of boob!
You know my instagram? Well I got some super haters today. And some said to me 'you have lower belly pudge' seriously wtf! Is it her business what I look like. Well no matter what that is now added to my list of insecurities!
Bekah
Xxx
You know my instagram? Well I got some super haters today. And some said to me 'you have lower belly pudge' seriously wtf! Is it her business what I look like. Well no matter what that is now added to my list of insecurities!
Bekah
Xxx
Heyy!!
I am so unbelievably happy today! I have lost 2lbs already!!! Okay so i guess this is the time when i post my beiginning weight? 123lbs. *CRY* i never ever ever ever want to be that ever agian! But 2lbs lighter isn't bad after one day of ABC! So i am now 121. I'm just gunna have to wait and see what my weigt will be tomorrow, i am not predicting anymore, i always just get pissed off when i dont reach my goal.
Well i got my period yesterday. LAME. So do you gain a few pounds when it's the time of the month? Just trying to tell myself that i wasn't reall 123lbs.
Okay i watched this programe last night it was called, Eat, Fast and live longer! It was amazing. It basicly told the whole nation that to calorie restrict and fast is good for you! Apparently if you fast for 4 days every month, it will decrease your risk of cancers and disease! Awesome right? So now when everyone is complaining saying that fasting is bad, we all now have proof that it is actually good for us! Its the same with calorie restriction. They said as long as your diet is full of nuitrents it is okay to calorie restrict. WOW. So who ever says this is bad now, i'm gunna point them to this programe!
No panic attacks yesterday! It has to do with food my anxiety, because yesterday i ate like 300 cals and i felt fine. The amount of food i eat is also linked to how happy i am. Weird huh?
Anyways, i am gunna post my start pictures later on tonight and i am going to upload progress pics every week! Lets hope i see some difference!
Bekah
xxx
I am so unbelievably happy today! I have lost 2lbs already!!! Okay so i guess this is the time when i post my beiginning weight? 123lbs. *CRY* i never ever ever ever want to be that ever agian! But 2lbs lighter isn't bad after one day of ABC! So i am now 121. I'm just gunna have to wait and see what my weigt will be tomorrow, i am not predicting anymore, i always just get pissed off when i dont reach my goal.
Well i got my period yesterday. LAME. So do you gain a few pounds when it's the time of the month? Just trying to tell myself that i wasn't reall 123lbs.
Okay i watched this programe last night it was called, Eat, Fast and live longer! It was amazing. It basicly told the whole nation that to calorie restrict and fast is good for you! Apparently if you fast for 4 days every month, it will decrease your risk of cancers and disease! Awesome right? So now when everyone is complaining saying that fasting is bad, we all now have proof that it is actually good for us! Its the same with calorie restriction. They said as long as your diet is full of nuitrents it is okay to calorie restrict. WOW. So who ever says this is bad now, i'm gunna point them to this programe!
No panic attacks yesterday! It has to do with food my anxiety, because yesterday i ate like 300 cals and i felt fine. The amount of food i eat is also linked to how happy i am. Weird huh?
Anyways, i am gunna post my start pictures later on tonight and i am going to upload progress pics every week! Lets hope i see some difference!
Bekah
xxx
Monday, 6 August 2012
Sunday, 5 August 2012
Today was how I expected, filled with food and anxiety! But I made it through. I just thought I will have all my last treats before I start my diet, so then I wont have as bad cravings during the first week!
I was sitting at my sisters house today almost crying before she brought out dinner! I was hyperventilating and freaking out, which sucks. After dinner I wanted to purge so much! I felt so fat. I honestly wanted to go home and crawl in to a hole and never come out until I am perfect. But that is so never gunna happen so I sat their thinking about ABC, and how fucking skinny I'm gunna get (:
I am really looking forward to tomorrow! I feel really strong and I know I can do this! But, my mother is off work tomorrow! That sucks balls. So I am gunna have to eat through the day, which I didn't want at all. So I am planning on having grapes for breakfast and carrots for lunch and lentil soup for dinner! She doesn't really eat lunch anyways, so she cant complain to me! I honestly don't think she is worried about my weight anymore or the way I eat! Probably because I have been eating like a pig and have gained so much weight! So I am taking that to advantage, so now that she isn't worried I have her were I want her! She 'thinks' I eat lunch when I don't, so now I can go one step further and skip dinner. I plan on doing this by saying I am going to someone else's house for dinner, even if I am not, so I will just go for a walk or something instead! Even if I am at someone elses house(unlikely, I'm a total loner) I will just say that mother has already made my dinner! I think I will do that on my fasting days of ABC!
Anyways, last night was so bad for cutting. I wrote 'am I perfect' on my arm and lots more on my legs! But then I decided that enough was enough! I my razors are now down the drains! To be honest I miss them, I really could of done with them tonight....
Maybe more positive?
LETS GET SKINNY BITCHES!!!! <3
Bekah
Xxx
I was sitting at my sisters house today almost crying before she brought out dinner! I was hyperventilating and freaking out, which sucks. After dinner I wanted to purge so much! I felt so fat. I honestly wanted to go home and crawl in to a hole and never come out until I am perfect. But that is so never gunna happen so I sat their thinking about ABC, and how fucking skinny I'm gunna get (:
I am really looking forward to tomorrow! I feel really strong and I know I can do this! But, my mother is off work tomorrow! That sucks balls. So I am gunna have to eat through the day, which I didn't want at all. So I am planning on having grapes for breakfast and carrots for lunch and lentil soup for dinner! She doesn't really eat lunch anyways, so she cant complain to me! I honestly don't think she is worried about my weight anymore or the way I eat! Probably because I have been eating like a pig and have gained so much weight! So I am taking that to advantage, so now that she isn't worried I have her were I want her! She 'thinks' I eat lunch when I don't, so now I can go one step further and skip dinner. I plan on doing this by saying I am going to someone else's house for dinner, even if I am not, so I will just go for a walk or something instead! Even if I am at someone elses house(unlikely, I'm a total loner) I will just say that mother has already made my dinner! I think I will do that on my fasting days of ABC!
Anyways, last night was so bad for cutting. I wrote 'am I perfect' on my arm and lots more on my legs! But then I decided that enough was enough! I my razors are now down the drains! To be honest I miss them, I really could of done with them tonight....
Maybe more positive?
LETS GET SKINNY BITCHES!!!! <3
Bekah
Xxx
Saturday, 4 August 2012
My anxiety is getting worse. After everything i eat i have a mini panic attack then to 10 crunches. This makes me feel like SHIT!
Familyness this week end. This means, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD! And lots of it. I want to cry!
I am starting ABC (again) as of monday! But i have some ana buddies to help me out on instagram! Going to stay strong this time.
I also got this new app for tonning abs and thighs ect. I hope it will show some results if i do it everyday!
Sorry for the short update. I feel really out of it. Really...depressed. I haven't left the house in 3 days. Thats all because i feel so fat. Oh yeah i stepped on the scales, i gained 7lbs. I am now 121. FUCKING FAILURE.
Bekah
xxx
Familyness this week end. This means, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD! And lots of it. I want to cry!
I am starting ABC (again) as of monday! But i have some ana buddies to help me out on instagram! Going to stay strong this time.
I also got this new app for tonning abs and thighs ect. I hope it will show some results if i do it everyday!
Sorry for the short update. I feel really out of it. Really...depressed. I haven't left the house in 3 days. Thats all because i feel so fat. Oh yeah i stepped on the scales, i gained 7lbs. I am now 121. FUCKING FAILURE.
Bekah
xxx
Friday, 3 August 2012
Yesterday sucked. I binged purged and cut. Failure. But today is a new day and I am not going give up! I am doing a six hour fast today! So I am just having dinner with the family! Things are going well so far and t 11:24! I have been on my bike for 40 mins and I felt really good (:
So my goals have altered! I want to be 108lbs by the end of this month! Which is possible! So then after I reach that I want to be 100 by December! Or maybe 95? But things sound much easier than they really are!
I need to be strong when I am weak! No chocolate, no fizzy drinks, from now on for a whole month! Starting my 21days from now! I will be strong.
Bekah
Xxx
So my goals have altered! I want to be 108lbs by the end of this month! Which is possible! So then after I reach that I want to be 100 by December! Or maybe 95? But things sound much easier than they really are!
I need to be strong when I am weak! No chocolate, no fizzy drinks, from now on for a whole month! Starting my 21days from now! I will be strong.
Bekah
Xxx
Wednesday, 1 August 2012
Today I was over 1000 cals. My sister wanted to make chocolate fudge cake. Worst thing ever I wanted to burst into tears. But, we did get an exercise bike so burning 200 cals on that and with walking and sit ups my net came to 500 something. It said I would bee 103lbs in 5 weeks. That's not good enough. I don't feel empty anymore!
Tomorrow I am seeing my sister again! I'm sick of her giving me food! So the plan is, stay strong until I get to hers, no breakfast, no lunch. Then just have dinner which is some pasta thing. So before I go, I will do an hour on the bike which would be 400 cals, I'll then do sit ups and I'll walk to hers. So hopefully I will be in minus cals!!
Mother has been annoying me again! She has gained a new irritating feature! When we sit down for dinner she gives me this a huge grin, like it's going to rip her face in half! I never smile back I just give her 'wtf are you doing, where only eating dinner' look. Then,When I start eating, cutting everything up in to small pieces, taking sips after almost every bite, she stares at me. I mean not in like an unnoticeable way! Her face may as well be in my plate the way she looks at it! Then she will ask,'did you enjoy that' well what I want to say is 'no you just made me eat 500 odd calories and fucked up my whole diet now I'm gunna gain and it's all your fault, leave me alone!' in stead I said 'it was lovely' immediately leaving the table to my bedroom to exercise! What a fake person I am.
I am 2 days clean from cutting. I need to stay strong and pray of 114lbs on Friday!
Bekah
Xxx
Tomorrow I am seeing my sister again! I'm sick of her giving me food! So the plan is, stay strong until I get to hers, no breakfast, no lunch. Then just have dinner which is some pasta thing. So before I go, I will do an hour on the bike which would be 400 cals, I'll then do sit ups and I'll walk to hers. So hopefully I will be in minus cals!!
Mother has been annoying me again! She has gained a new irritating feature! When we sit down for dinner she gives me this a huge grin, like it's going to rip her face in half! I never smile back I just give her 'wtf are you doing, where only eating dinner' look. Then,When I start eating, cutting everything up in to small pieces, taking sips after almost every bite, she stares at me. I mean not in like an unnoticeable way! Her face may as well be in my plate the way she looks at it! Then she will ask,'did you enjoy that' well what I want to say is 'no you just made me eat 500 odd calories and fucked up my whole diet now I'm gunna gain and it's all your fault, leave me alone!' in stead I said 'it was lovely' immediately leaving the table to my bedroom to exercise! What a fake person I am.
I am 2 days clean from cutting. I need to stay strong and pray of 114lbs on Friday!
Bekah
Xxx
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