She made me eat apple crumble and i hate her for that. It frustrates me so much when people talk about how much i eat, or what foods i like. JUST STOP. I don't like food it makes me fat. I don't taste things, i chose not to. Nothing has a taste, it is all the same to me. I have tought myself not to like food, to hate chewing, to hate swollowing, to hate the feeling of being full. To hate myself after i have ate.
To be honest i hate myself all the time. There isn't even a slight moment when i am happy when i lose weight now. I just feel like i am getting bigger even though i am getting smaller. That makes no sence but i feel bigger right now than i did a week ago when i weighed more. That doesn't mean i want to be that weigh that again. HELL NO. I just want to get smaller and smaller and smaller. Until i don't make foot steps in the snow, so delicate and fragile. Righ now i am a fucking blue whale and i make fucking buildings collapes when i walk past.

Bekah
xxx