When one skinny person ruines your mood.

420 calories today, which i am so proud of today since i went in to Edinburgh today with my dad! My calories were: Banana (95), Smoothie i was forced to get instead of water oh and also being told i was boring in the meantime (55) Apple (60) fish fingers (150) salad (60). I really didn't want fish finger today. But since i sepnt the whole day with my dad i couldn't really lie about eating loads.

I feel so good now, i feel like i am flushing out all of my binge food and starting new for about the 400th time. I really hate how i can control my intake so much better when i am not at school!

Well today, went to Edinburgh for a little shopping trip trying to forget about the rainy day! Well i felt really good this morning, very postitve about my control. I was wearing my high-waisted shorts with my american vest top. Then one stupid uber skinny girl has to be there. Argh i was so jealous of her. My mood was destroyed because of her. Since that moment of seeing her i hated what i was wearing, felt fat and gross and to be honest i wanted to go home and cry. Why can't i be like her, beautiful and perfect.

Anyways, i didn't get any clothes, i was too depressed to try anything on. So i bought the new florence and the machine CD, which i am listening to right. Now i love her voice, it's so natural, not forced at all. I wish being skinny was like that, no trouble. I also got a book about a girl with brittle bone disease, which will surely cheer me up.

Fathers day tomorrow, i guess it should of been fathers day today because i spent the whole day with my dad, the top daughter i am. He will proably go off on his bike tomorrow, i'll be quite glad really, i will be able to workout.

I think now m going to take a bath and paint my nail ect. Just to make myself feel a bit nicer. Haven't stepped on the scales yet. Think i might leave it until monday. See if i have gained, i don't think i will be surpised if i have.

Bekah
xxx

The unwritten rules of being skinny (sort of)

Today i was sitting alone with my mind and all i could think about was food and how fat i was ect. ect. Then i was thinking there are certain rules that you have to stick to to be skinny right? Well 1) eat less, if you eat les you won't gain weight pretty simple 2) exercise, pretty straightforward you need to exercise to get rid of all the flab more quickly. 3) Be cold, yes i mean feel cold, when you shivver you burn so many calories. So i guess the last one is the only one unwritten but still sticking to these tree rules must mean perfection.

368 calories today. I am cutting it close to 400 which is my limit for today. Oh yeah, today is my first day on the skinny girl diet. So my start weight from today is 112lbs, so happy when i seen this! So hopefully i will be seeing 105lbs in 30 days time.

I was recording my food intake on myfitnesspal today (which is amazing, totaly recomend) and when i finished it told me that if everyday was like today i would be 101lbs in 5 weeks time. If only, right. Ha i really want to stick to this diet more than anything. However i know there will be binges in between because i have the mothers, dad, sisters, brothers birthdays coming up this summer. Which means cake and big family meals *cry*.  Need to be postitive though, i will 101lbs in 5 weeks time!

Well this morning, there was no electric in the house. This ment a great awkward silence between me and my mum this morning. It was awful. She keeps on asking me questions, i wish i could send messages to her through brain waves because who can be arsed to talk at 8 in the morning! Well she decised to be extra annoying this morning and demand i take a sandwich to school. I didn't even get a choice, she had alreay made it before i came downstairs. Not only a sandwich she made me take but an apple too! Well these pieces of food, went into the bin. Was i hell eating that on my first day of skinny girl diet! I am acctually quite glad she is making me these sandwiches because she thinks i am eating through the day, which i'm not. But this also gives me an excuse not to eat bread with my dinner, because i have alreay had some....well in her case. Also she won't be as concerned about me and will leave me alone when i don't fnish my dinner because i would of had something else as well that day...
  To be honest i think i would rather chuck my food out that shes made for me and say i've ate it rather than trying to convince her why i don't like eating lunch. She has made that job a lot easier. However i really hope my friends don't notice me putting it in the bin. I done it rather slighly today because i did it when i put my chewing gum wrapper in the bin too.

I had my maths exam today, it went okay. I don't really want to talk about it because more i think about it the more i think i've failed.

Next exams are on friday which is History and Chemistry, gah really not a good day on friday ha. What ever happened to thank god it's friday?

110lbs by friday? Lets go for it! 300 calories tomorrow, will be a breeze when i am dancing tomorrow night!
My diet for the next 30 days:

And some thinspo:

Awkward feelings in this house

I hate being stuck in this house but these people! I've been revising all morning and my dad went on a cycle. He came back and as soon as i came on here he came into my room and started asking if i wanted to have something to eat. I swear blogging is like a jinks or something. I told him i had alreay had something. I made a  roll with some jam, which went in the bin as did some chocolate. I left the evidence of the plate, knife and wrapper lying around so they would believe me.

I hate how awkward it has been after my mum had that chat with me. They are looking at me so weird and observing my every move. It's weird, and very awkward for me anyways. Maybe i should just say to them to stop staring at me. You know that feeling when you walk into a room and everything falls silent because they were just talking about you. Well it feels like that 24/7 since last night.

So today i used MyFitnessPal to calculate how many calories i would have for today. Parents are having roast dinner so i am just having the veggies. Including my ceral that my mother made for me this morning, with loads of milk (left most of it) my intake will be 277. That is unless my mother force feeds me a yorkshire pudding. But i have 'ate' today so i hope she won't.

I can just picture the conversation when my mother comes in. 'what have you ate today?, You know i'm only concerned about you' Argh i seriously want to drop kick her in the face.

I have my maths exam tomorrow. Don't understand anything, so i will be getting a lovely F. So i better crack on revising. I really wonder when i will need vectors in my adulthood but anyway...

Bekah
xxxx

Are mothers ment to be annoying?

Weight hasn't changed today. I ate about 450 calories yesterday not counting the banana i had for breakfast. I exercised after my curry, i ran for about 3 min done sit ups, lunges, squates and press ups. I doubt that i burned off much but at least it's some right?

I am going to the sisters to stay over tonight. I want to go but i don't. I hate it because she always feeds me unhealthy things, i feel bad because i am a guest so i eat it. Then i hate myself. So i am just going to eat really slowly, she eats quickly so she will finish before me, so when she finishes i can just say i'm full. I think thats a good descret plan. I am also saying i am gving up chocolate. I haven't ate it in 2 days, i think i will go for until the end of this month or forever.....

Anyways, i went on wii fit yesterday. I haven't been on since Janurary. I have lost 11lbs since then! I am so happy with that. I set a goal to loose another 10lbs in 3 months. That means i would be 104lbs! I am strong and in control so i know can make it to that weight!

My mother has been such a pain in the ass lately. Yesterday she said i was looking very slim, i have to say i was very happy with that comment so i smiled and said thank you. But then she started questioning me ' what did you have for breakfast? what did you have for lunch?, Did you eat at all today?' Keep in mind that all of these questions came at once. All i said was,'Strawberries' Maybe i should of said a sandwich or something but strawberries were the first thing that came to my head. She just raised her eyes at me and walked away. At dinner of course i didn't finish my meal, because it was a curry and has many calories. So she started again saying,' Are you sure you've had enough?, You haven't ate much?' So i said,' Chill out with the questions mum, i'm just full' So she did the same, raised her eyes and walked away.  Not to mention the cake she bought. No occasion, just for fun. I think she said me about five times if i wanted any. My excuse was my ulser, don't think i've ever been happy to have an ulser until today! I have to say i am glad to get away from the house so she stops questioning me, it's so annoying! All i want to do is loose weight without her getting in my way!!!

Oh last thing, is it normal to dream about binging on food and purging it up again? No i didn't think so....

Bekah
xxx