I hate myself. I failed my german speaking. I have to resit on friday. I do not need this strees anymore! I want to cry or more so i want to eat, fuck loads. I'm not going to because i am fat and being skinny is the only thing that will make me happy right now.
The worst thing is that my friend seems awfully smug that i failed and she passed, bitch. I'm not counting her as a friend anymore because she is a first class bitch. I have been friends with her for years, and i am a very loyal and good friend. She has decided to invite two of her friends to her house on friday night, i am not one of them. She is a bitch right? Ever since my granddad got cancer she stopped being friendly with me. I love my granddad and i am very close to him. So of course i was upset. Did she comfort me? Nope. She hasn't even asked how he's doing, so inconsiderate. What sort of friend is that? Argh she pisses me off. I just wonder what she would say if i told her about my eating habbits. She would probably say i was stupid and whats the point. She was pissed off when i gave up chocolate for lent. She said 'Who does that?, Whats the point?' I just turned away because i couldn't be bothered to explain. Fucking bitch.
I feel like i have nobody i feel alone. She has been my best friend for a while but i don't want her to be anymore. It's not easy to just decide to be friends with other people. So i'm going to the gym with people i don't normaly speak to, maybe i'll become good friends with them. I hope she becomes jelous when i'm super skinny and she's a fat bitch.
575 Calories today. Ceral with milk (155) Pasta and cheese (360 + 50).
I will not binge. I will not binge! I need to stay strong. I need to be perfect. I need to pass my exams. I must be the best. I will be the skinnest and the smartest. Food just gets in the way of my plans. I will stay strong!
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