I feel awefull. I am off school today because i am so stressed i just can't stand to talk to anyone or think clearly to do work. I broke down last night, i cried in front of my whole family. I was doing maths and i couldn't do it and all i could think was 'failure, failure' I'm sick of thinking about food. Last night i binged. I ate, banana, fish and veggies, bread and butter, ice cream, caramel shortbread, chocolate, weatabix and peanuts. I hate myself. I wanted to purge so much afterwards. I even dreamed that one of my friends purged up her dinner but i couldn't.  I am blamming my binge on my period, yes it came. I hate it. It is the worst time of the month. I hate feeling fat and gross. All i can think about is food. I want to cry and cry and cry. I want to break something in anger. Argh. I hate food.

I want to be vegan. I am already peceaterian. But i want to go the whole way. I just wondered can you get vegan pasta? I live off pasta almost and a small amount fills me up so it would be great if there was vegan pasta.

OH yeah, i'm back up to 118lbs. Not surpised really. I wanted to take a hammer to the scales but i realised that doing that wouldn't change my weight. Only i can do that. I need to take control.