It's my brothers birthday on saturday! So he is having a little family party at his house. I should really be looking forward to this but i'm just getting some more panic attacks. I am worried about the food, there is going to be cake there and i will be forced to eat it. This means it will break my ABC again and i will gain like 50lbs. Another worry is wtf am i going to wear? I have this really nice playsuit, but its quie short and tight and i feel like a whale in it, but it goes with this cardigan, which i will have to wear to cover my scars on my arm. But the other option is this really nice black and white dress, its not too short and its a bit big on me, so i will feel more comforatable. But it doesn't really go with a cardiagan it goes with a demin jacket, which i would have to take off! Ugh, maybe i shouldn't go at all and stay at home and cry over my fattness like i normally do.
I feel like such a loner. I haven't seen any of my friends in 2 weeks. I just feel to embarrassed to go out in public because i am just way too fat. I also don't want them to see my scars either...
Well i'm not the only one to blame, none of them have asked me out.
Some good news? I am clean 4 days! I am so proud of myself! Yesterday would of been one of the days were i would of hacked my legs and arms up but nope nothing! I just execised lots, now i can barely stand because all my muscles hurt so much!
Oh i got this app, igoalinformer, which tells you like how many calories you have to eat to get to your goal my a certain date. Well i typed in my stats and i thought lets put in 85lbs by december. It is totally possible! I can't believe it! So i could be at my UGW, by december. And you would never guess how many calories i would have to eat? 1657 calories everyday! Wow, that is so many. So since i eat less than that, i could be at 85 sooner! It is just ridulous isn't it! It's sort of scary though, that if i stay good i can be at my UGW! Well i guess, i've lost 5lbs in 4 days!
So UGW by december? Lets try my fucking hardest!!
Bekah
xxx
wow - bekah doll, you are amazing! 5lb in 4 days?!! omg.. 85 by december is totallyy achievable.. :) glad you havent cut and managed to turn the baby binge around - you are so strong and inspiring :)
ReplyDeletei think you should go to the party - by then you will have lost another few pounds.. and you will have so much fun when you are actually there.. x
Hope you're ok xx
Aww thanks! Binges are so hard to avoid sometimes! I will be strong this week! Xxxx
DeleteHa I did the same binge and purging thing and still didn't gain this morning. But I know what you mean by not going out with friends. I don't want them to see me and see that I'm a fat whale. Like I need to lose them before anyone can see me. Its exciting to see that you can get your goal by Dec! I hope you stay on the right track<3
ReplyDeleteHey thanks I really hope I stay in the right track too! I mean 85 isn't a thing I want to avoid! It's odd all this binging and no weight gain but I'm happy about it haha xxxx
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