Today was how I expected, filled with food and anxiety! But I made it through. I just thought I will have all my last treats before I start my diet, so then I wont have as bad cravings during the first week!

I was sitting at my sisters house today almost crying before she brought out dinner! I was hyperventilating and freaking out, which sucks. After dinner I wanted to purge so much! I felt so fat. I honestly wanted to go home and crawl in to a hole and never come out until I am perfect. But that is so never gunna happen so I sat their thinking about ABC, and how fucking skinny I'm gunna get (:

I am really looking forward to tomorrow! I feel really strong and I know I can do this! But, my mother is off work tomorrow! That sucks balls. So I am gunna have to eat through the day, which I didn't want at all. So I am planning on having grapes for breakfast and carrots for lunch and lentil soup for dinner! She doesn't really eat lunch anyways, so she cant complain to me! I honestly don't think she is worried about my weight anymore or the way I eat! Probably because I have been eating like a pig and have gained so much weight! So I am taking that to advantage, so now that she isn't worried I have her were I want her! She 'thinks' I eat lunch when I don't, so now I can go one step further and skip dinner. I plan on doing this by saying I am going to someone else's house for dinner, even if I am not, so I will just go for a walk or something instead! Even if I am at someone elses house(unlikely, I'm a total loner) I will just say that mother has already made my dinner! I think I will do that on my fasting days of ABC!

Anyways, last night was so bad for cutting. I wrote 'am I perfect' on my arm and lots more on my legs! But then I decided that enough was enough! I my razors are now down the drains! To be honest I miss them, I really could of done with them tonight....

Maybe more positive?
LETS GET SKINNY BITCHES!!!! <3
Bekah
Xxx