Weekend madness

I have had a really weird weekend. I went to my sisters in Friday, we were sunbathing in the garden and she asked to look at my phone to search for a recipe. Well I had forgotten that the previous night I was search for 'effects of anorexia' just out of interest. When she seen it she was so shocked. I didn't know what to say. I just said I was just anxious about everything. Then she started saying stuff about how my body is perfect and that I shouldn't worry. Then she was making dinner and she was joking around and she said 'what are you so upset over' I said nothing. Then being her jokey sells she said 'are you scared of cheese? Are you scared of bread?' I laughed but little did she know that i am scare, I am scared of calories. She also stared saying that she would miss me so much if I wasn't here and that I'm here best friend for life. I wanted to burst into tears. I know she is concerned. I think I'm gunna go tithe doctors about my anxiety, it is just getting worse.
So Saturday, mother was off and we met my sister about lunch. We were in town shopping around. I hate these sort of days because they always contain food and lots and lots of it. So I binged and I wanted to purge but I can't when there's lots of people about so I just gained weight instead. Oh yeah it was my brothers birthday party that night. I wore my playsuit. OMFG I looked like a beached whale. I felt like shit no matter how much my sister told me I look pretty. So I got wasted. I was so drunk by 9pm. The playsuit was also bad in other areas since it is so hard to pee in when drunk. So I had to take the whole thing off then I couldn't get it back on again, it was such a disaster! But then in my drunken state, I was shouting 'i don't give a shit if i gain weight' while eating Doritos and peanuts simultaneously. So this morning I am hungover and I feel like a whale after shoving two slices of French toast down my throat.
Today is my brothers actual birthday so here comes the cake, that I might be able to purge if I run the bath water.
Tomorrow will be good and I am gunna fast until 6pm, and hopefully shed these extra pounds. I havent weighed myself because I think I might take a hammer to the scales.

Goal to loose 5 pounds this week. Wish me luck! listen to the song skin and bones by marinas trench. Omg, it relates so much to my life!

Bekah
Xxx