The girl with many issues.

I am so sorry for not posting as often. The truth is i am so depressed. I dont want to open my eyes in the morning. I weigh so much i just want to puke every where. I cannot look at myself with out bursting into tears. Okay i am 53kg. FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE. I am just in this horrible rut of: starving, binging, purging, exercising and cutting. I can't even do those things right. I have been self-harming so much latly i am so sorry. I just deserve it. I am so sick of it all.

I am sick of having non-existent bones. I feel/ look for them every day and its just the same. Covered in layers of fat. I just want to be 40kg. SO FUCKING MUCH YOU JUST HAVE NO IDEA.

I am sick of covering my scars. A part of me just wants to tell everyone. But i know that they will all judge me even if it is not to my face. I will just be known as the 'fat anorexic girl, who starved and cut herself and attempted sucidie even though nothing was wrong with her life'.

Thats the thing, nothing has ever happened to me that makes me so depressed. I have never been raped or bullied. My parents haven't divorsed, I have a caring family. But I just can't seem to see that. I just see that my dad thinks i am a disapointment, my friends think im boring, therefore never invite me anywhere. I see that i am going to be alone forever. Because who wants to be wih a girl that has so many issues, FOR NO REASON AT ALL. I hate it when people say that things are going to get better because i just cannot see it. I just see he black hole of depression that is sucking everything in and i cant do anything to stop it. I am just letting it happen, and i dont care.

The only thing i look forward to now is cutting my skin at night, that is how bad things are.

I am sorry if i dont update often, but i am trying to let you all know that i am still alive, barely.

Bekah
xxx