Dude, today fucking sucked.
I binged and puged non-stop for about 3 hours. It was horrific. I was sitting on the bathroom floor stuffing my face then purging straight afterward. Like what the fuck is wrong with me. Okay so i am going to list absolutly everything i b/p on today: 2 large bowls of cereal, 6 chocolate bars, pasta with prawns, strawberry milkshake, ice cream, peanuts, pineapple cake and caramel shortbread. It always sounds worse when you write it down. God, i am so disgusting. Now my knuckles are all fucked up and so are my eyes, i have burst blood vessels, yay. My throat and stomach also hurt like hell. So when my parents came in from there long day at work and they asked, "How are you? You have a nice day" I said, "I'm fine, yeah i did was lazy but i had fun" PAHAHAHA. I honestly think i am the worlds greatest liar. What i should of said is, "No, i'm not fine. I am a fucking fat whale, i ate the whole kitchen then puked it up again. Oh yeah i also cut my upper arm today deeper thanever before and it never stopped bleeding for like an hour, wanna see?"
My mum is always so proud of me for some reason. Like she thinks i am a sweet little girl. The good daughter. Just because i'm not out drinking voldka and smoking cigaretts, like my sister does not mean that i am good. I am a batch of the new breed of rebel, that starves, purges and self harms. I really wish they could see the demon inside me. My sister is the only one that knows about my eating disorder. She is the only one i can trust. Well apparently she can trust me too because she said to me just after i got my diagnose, "Please just eat, please gain weight so you i dont have to tell mum about this, it will kill her, promise me you will eat" Wow so she is fooled. And i am more than happy that she hasnt told my mum about it. Because i mean yeah my mum really has been freaking out about my eating. So to her i am in 'recovery'
So to just sum all that up. I AM THE BEST FUCKING ACTOR EVER.
But i swear my dad sees right through me. "You are are fucking psycho", "You are a lazy cow", "You shouldn't of ate so much you fat pig" I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD THAT HE IS JUST THE VOICE IN MY HEAD, OUT OF MY HEAD? Like he just makes my eating disorder worse. Blah i really hate him.
OMG ANOTHER PIECE OF MY FABULOUS ACTING.
(Mother and father are having a very awkward argument about nothing important at all but a glass ends up being smashed)
Me: (walks in with a smile on my face) So whats for dinner, i am so hungry!
LOLOLOLOLOL. I fool them so well.
God i am so fucked up.
Bekah
xxx
Like is just one big play isn't it? :P As long as we tell our parents what they want to hear they don't give a damn >.<
ReplyDeleteZara