Worst feeling when you see you've gained weight.

119lbs, how the fuck did that happen. You have no idea how shit I feel right now. I ate soup yesterday that is all and I am 119lbs. Last week I was 112lbs, I have gained 7lbs. How disgusting is that! I am mid fasting at the moment, I don't even feel hungry probably because I have so much stored fat that I don't need it! I can't even believe that I weigh this much. I swear that from now on I will never see that weight again. I will not give up, I will keep on loosing until my UGW of 95lbs. Oh god that seems so far away....

I have a password on my phone now, so I am keeping some thinspiration in my pictures. So everytime I have a craving I will look at those pictures and remind myself what I really want. I know the peanuts or the chocolate will seem like a good idea at the time, but what do they bring, 15 minutes of happiness, then so much guilt afterwards. Being skinny will bring days, years of happiness so why would I, do I want to eat stuff that is going to make me depressed.

302 calories today all because of the mother, it was going to be 220 but she forced me to eat a banana. Well she was trying to make me eat some toast. I refused, so we settled on a banana. I still feel so bad. My limit was 300 calories today, I feel like I have cheated even though I am only 2 calories over.

My mother is going to make me eat tomorrow, I will just say that I can't et much because my tummy is still upset, hopefully she will believe me and won't make me eat much. Therefore staying under my 400 calorie limit.

What myfitnesspal told me a great thing today. Wish 5 weeks would come fast!

Bekah
Xxx