We he wasnt having no for an answer today, i got a cupcake and some chocolate. There i go again stuffing my face with every food i can see. I was even binging on food i dont even like. I am blaming this on my period. It must be coming, i'm a week late and i am craving food like a pig!
I can seriously feel the extra fat on me, i want to purge so much. I failed and gave in so i have to start all over again.
OMG. This friend of mine started talking about self harm today. It was so awkward. I was just saying you shouldn't judge people that do that because you never know whats going on in their lives. Then he said, well it must be bad if you want everyone to think your a freak. Thanks, what a great friend he is. I am never going to tell him anything. He would hate me forever.
Tomorrow is the beginning of my summer holidays. So that means i am offically on the diet of loosing 20 something pounds before the end of august? Yes it is. So i need to be strong. Going to start distracting myself. Oh yeah i broke my elastic band, i snapped it too hard.
I need to take this diet with force, no weak links. From tomorrow, NO CHOCOLATE, NO PEANUTS, NO BINGING, NO PURGING, NO CUTTING. I think it's a fair deal. Wish me luck.
Bekah
I feel like that too.. whats more awkward is when someone asks loudly how I got the scars on my arm in front of others.. Now I only wear long sleeves. People are so judgemental. Hmm I am starting in earnest tomorrow too, its like if I eat one thing I eat every thing in sight! gah what are we like! why do guests feel the need to bring food.. damn them. LOL
ReplyDeletelove ya!
i cant wear shorts. or dresses or anything pretty anymore because of my legs...and i love my legs. i want a thigh gap and i want to show it off. but ill never be able to because of my burns. theyre all across my left leg, and when people see it, they constantly think im some sort of freak person....so i get that. and for the guidlines of no binging, purging, ect...im trying to avoid those things too. also, im trying to lose the same amount of weight by the time school begins. except im not as good at keeping my low calorie days in check. anyway, best of luck :)
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