Yes he bought me a tripple chocolate cookie today. That set off a binge, so i ate my sandwich all my dinner and some cake as well. I don't even know how to put in to words right now how i feel so i am just going to list words that decribe how i feel and hopefully it will make sence: UGLY, FAT, DIGUSTING, WOBBLY, GROSS, HIDEOUS, WORTHLESS, USELESS, PATHETIC, INSANE, DEATH, ANGRY, ANNOYED, FRUSTRATED, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, NOT PERFECT, UNLOVED, oh did i mention FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH THAT I CAN CRY FOR HOURS. WHY WONT I LOOSE ANYMORE WEIGHT? WHY CAN'T EAT ANYTHING WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY? WHY DO I CUT TO FEEL REAL? WHY DON'T I FEEL REAL? WHY AM I NEVER ENOUGH?
To make myself feel even better, my sister has lost 11lbs in two weeks, when i have gained 4. FUCK MY LIFE.
I'm sorry
Bekah
xxx
I understand you, it would seem like: you eat one cookie, what the big deal, but then begins .. you eat another and another, then something else, and here we go. I want to sew up my mouth in such moments. But please do not despair, it will be a new day - a new try.
ReplyDeleteSorry for my bad english:)
Oh hun.. I wish I could take the pain away.. cutting wont solve anything.. I am so sorry :( I hope you can get back on track.. I know how it feels to lose control.. I have done it way too often lately.. Wishing you all the best <3 xx
ReplyDelete